Dilators for vaginismus

The Biggest Mistake You Can Make with Dilators

Dilators and vaginismus – two words that often evoke frustration and discomfort. If you’re on the journey of overcoming vaginismus, you’re likely familiar with the mixed emotions that come with using dilators. They come in a set, each size hinting at progress, yet the comparison can trigger anxiety about how “small” your current dilator is or how distant your goal dilator seems.

I get it. I’ve been there too. The impatience, the desire for quick progress, the hope that once you conquer all the dilators, pain-free penetration will naturally follow. And while for some, this is true, for others, unfortunately not so much.

The dilator approach matters

Initially, my approach to vaginismus and dilating was all about speed and efficiency. I wanted to complete the set of dilators as quickly as possible. It seemed logical – the larger the dilator, the closer I must be to the ultimate goal of pain-free penetration, right?


I managed to work my way through all the dilators not once but twice, only to realize that the finish line I envisioned was just an illusion. Can you imagine the sense of defeat after putting in so much effort, only to discover it didn’t translate to pain-free penetrative intercourse?

The mistake? I had the wrong goal in mind. Instead of viewing dilators as a means to an end, I should have seen them as tools to prepare and train my mind and body to embrace penetration. It’s like the old saying, “It’s more about the journey than the destination,” but let’s be real – this journey isn’t always enjoyable, and the destination is much more desirable. Nevertheless, embracing it is crucial.

Trusting the Vaginismus Process

Trusting the process is easier said than done, especially when faced with the discomfort and frustration that can accompany vaginismus. Yet, rushing through the dilators, driven by the desire to reach the destination quickly, can actually impede progress in the long run. I learned this the hard way.

So, my advice? Don’t rush it. Take the time your body needs to heal and grow as you navigate through the dilators. The journey might be challenging, but it’s an essential part of the process. Impatience can lead to setbacks, and I’m living proof of that.

When you rush and force dilating, your body isn’t fully able to get to a parasympathetic state of relaxation, which just reinforces the tension and freaking out of our pelvic floor muscles. And pushing a dilator in before your body is ready will only make those muscles fight back all the more. You end up slowing your progress, confusing your pelvic floor muscles, and frustrating yourself.

Dilators can help with self-compassion!

I can’t emphasize enough the importance of the journey through vaginismus. Consider it a unique opportunity for self-compassion, psychological safety, and nervous system regulation. All of these factors can contribute greatly to not just confidence in the bedroom, but also better everyday functioning! While the path to pain-free penetrative intercourse may be challenging, frustrating, and exhausting, each step along the way provides insights into your body, your mind, and your resilience.

Think of dilators as not just tools for physical progress but as companions in your personal growth journey. Acknowledge and celebrate each milestone, no matter how small, as a victory. This mindset shift can make the process more bearable and, dare I say, even empowering.

If you’re finding it hard to embrace this process, to transition successfully from dilator to 🍆, I’m here for you. Consider scheduling a free and fun 30-minute consultation with me. Let’s work together to shift your perspective, so you can genuinely enjoy the journey and ultimately experience pain-free penetrative intercourse.

Remember, it’s not just about reaching the end goal; it’s about appreciating and learning from every step along the way. The path to pain-free PIV may be challenging, but with patience, trust, and a shift in mindset, you can make the journey more bearable – and even, dare I say, empowering.

Leave a Reply